
You’ve left the nest and are now on your own for the first time. You’re feeling excited and empowered, or perhaps you’re feeling a little lost. No matter what you’re feeling, it’s important to learn how to advocate for yourself as a young adult. One of the most important things you need to learn is how to ask for what you want. But, in a way that is respectful and effective. In this blog post, we will discuss how to advocate for yourself as a young adult by telling others what you want.
It Can Be Hard to Ask for What You Want
Advocating for yourself and expressing your wants and needs can be difficult. Especially, if you’ve never had to do it before. It’s easy to feel like you’re imposing on others or being a burden. You’re worried about what others will think of you or how they will react. It’s important to remember you have a right to ask for what you need or want. Other people are not able to help you get what you want unless you tell them. People are not mind-readers.
It’s also important to keep in mind how you ask people for what you want. You are more likely to get what you want if you ask in a way that is respectful and clear. Remember that everyone has different comfort levels when asking for what they want. If you’re not used to doing it, it might feel a little awkward or uncomfortable at first. But the more you do it, the easier it will become. Taking small steps to be comfortable with being able to express your wants will make you happier in the long run.
Start by Asking Yourself What You Want
The first step in asking for what you want is to actually figure out what it is that you want or need. This might seem obvious, but it’s important to take the time to really think about what you want. For example, do you want your friend to stop talking about themselves so much or do you actually want them to listen to you when you talk? It can sometimes be difficult to figure out what you want, especially if you’re not used to thinking about and expressing your wants and needs.
One way to start is by considering what would make you happy or make you feel fulfilled. This way, you can get an idea of what you need to ask for from others. Once you have a good understanding of what it is that you actually want, you can start thinking about how to ask for it. It can be difficult to figure this out on your own. So, working with a therapist can be a great way to navigate your wants and needs.
Ways You Can Advocate for Yourself
The best way to advocate for yourself and ask others for what you want is to be respectful and clear. This doesn’t mean there isn’t room for mistakes because we all make them. It means that being respectful and clear will help you get your point across in a way that is most likely to be effective. Just know it takes time and practice to get good at it.
Use “I” Statements
Using “I” statements is a great way to be clear and respectful but also get your point across. “I” statements help to avoid putting blame on others and can make it easier for people to hear what you’re saying. For example, instead of saying “You never listen to me,” you could say “I feel like I’m not being heard.” Using this method is great to avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
At Wellview Counseling, our therapists suggest using “I” statements. This way you can make it clear about how you feel and what you want. For example, let’s say you are having to set new boundaries with your parents for the first time. Instead of saying “You visit way too much” you can say “I need some more space and would prefer it if you came to visit a bit less.” By doing this, you are expressing your needs with respect and maturity. But, you’re also giving them an opportunity to compromise.
Be Assertive
A part of advocating for yourself is knowing when to be assertive. Being assertive is about standing up for yourself and asking for what you want in a way that is confident and firm. It’s a great way to stand up for what you believe in while still respecting the rights of others.
I want you to remember that being assertive is not the same as being aggressive. Being assertive is about knowing when to say “no” and setting boundaries. Assertiveness will help you maintain healthy boundaries while still getting what you want.
You Deserve to Advocate For Yourself
If you’re not used to being assertive, it can be helpful to practice in smaller situations first. For example, you could start by saying “no” to things you don’t want to do. Or setting boundaries with friends or family members. For example, if you don’t want to go out for lunch with a friend you can say “I’m sorry, but I’m not feeling it today”.
Or if you’re setting a boundary with a family member, you could say “I need some alone time, I’m going to my room for a bit.” Once you get more comfortable, you can start practicing in bigger situations. Remember, practice is an important part of learning a new skill!
Use the DBT Skill “DEARMAN”
Another way to learn how to ask for what you want is by using the DEARMAN skill. This is an acronym. It stands for Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, Mindful, Appear Confident, and Negotiate. Using this skill can help you to be more effective when asking for what you want.
This can also help others understand your perspective of the situation. And help them understand your feelings. It also helps you to be more clear about what it is that you want from the situation. You can read more about this skill here in a blog post we wrote last month that goes into more detail.
Asking for what you want can be hard, but it’s important to advocate for yourself. You deserve to be happy and feel fulfilled.
Begin Working with a Young Adult Therapist in Roswell, GA
Our therapists at Wellview Counseling understand how hard it can be to start asking for what you want. We are here to help you through this process and work with you to build the skills you need to advocate for yourself. If you’re ready to learn how to advocate for yourself and ask for what you want, you can:
- Contact Wellview Counseling
- Meet with one of our specialized young adult therapists
- Start learning how to advocate for yourself
Other Therapy Services Offered at Wellview Counseling
Learning how to effectively communicate your wants and needs may be one thing you’re struggling with, but it may not be the only thing. You may be struggling with maintaining healthy boundaries with your family. Or perhaps you’ve always had someone advocating for your chronic health issues, so you’ve never had to. Maybe you’re struggling with current or past traumas that are leading to difficulties in communicating your wants and needs. No matter what your specific situation is, our therapists have a range of therapy services available to support you.
Our office is located in Roswell, GA, but we also offer online therapy to anyone located in Georgia. If you have questions or would like to schedule an appointment please feel welcome to reach out to us!