A a parent of a teenager (or multiple children!), you have a lot to worry about. But, when your teen struggles with mental health issues or behavioral issues, you may be wondering how do I help them? And, what do I need to know to support them through these challenges? One thing teen parents, especially parents of struggling adolescents need to be aware of is how common self-injurious behavior really is. Most parents are shocked to find out their teen is cutting or otherwise harming themselves. It can be scary information to learn! So, today I will dive in and discuss self-injurious behavior, the signs your teen may be hurting themselves, and what to do about it as a parent.
What Are Self-Injurious Behaviors?
Self-injurious behaviors refer to behaviors that cause deliberate harm to an individual’s body. It is usually done in an attempt to cope with emotional pain or distress. And, it can also be called self-mutilation or self-harm. Self-injurious behavior is most common amongst teenagers and individuals with intellectual disabilities. Today, we will specifically talk about teenage self-harm though.
Here are some important statistics about self-harm that I think parents should know.
- Research shows that approximately 17% of people will self-harm at one point in their lives.
- Self-harm is more common amongst females than males.
- The average age of the first self-harm attempt is 13.
Is self-injurious behavior a fancy term for cutting?
Yes and no…Although this study shows that cutting is the most common form of self-harm, there are other self-injurious behaviors teen parents don’t often think about when they hear the terms “self harm” or “self-injurious behavior.” These include:
- Burning
- Scratching
- Carving words or symbols into skin
- Swallowing non edible objects
- Hitting or punching one’s self
- Head-banging (not the heavy metal kind)
- Piercing skin or inserting objects under skin
- Biting
Self Harm Does Not Mean Your Teen is Suicidal
It’s scary to learn your child is cutting, burning, biting, scratching or otherwise hurting themselves! And as a parent, your first thought might be that they’re trying to cause their own death, particularly if the behavior they’re engaging in could potentially be lethal. That’s why it’s important that we start by pointing out that self harm often has nothing to do with wanting to die.
So then, do they just want attention?
No, this isn’t really it either. In most cases, your teen will actually go to great lengths to avoid drawing attention to their self harm. They’ll self harm in areas that are likely to be covered up by clothes or make excuses if someone does notice a mark.
Now, in very rare cases a teen may be hoping someone notices. But it’s not because they “want attention.” Even in these (again-we repeat that these are RARE) cases, it’s more like they want to express just how much emotional pain they are in.
Then, why is my teen self harming?
Each teen’s behavior is unique and should be explored in therapy. Therapists will give your teen a safe place to explore what is going on and discuss their self harming. The truth is, your child may not even know themselves why they are self harming. But a therapist can help them figure this out and then treat the underlying issue. It may be that they’re in so much emotional pain they are causing physical pain to distract from the emotion or to force their brain to focus on something else. Sometimes, it’s easier for someone to face physical pain than the speeding, negative thoughts going through their mind. Other times, a teen may self harm as almost a form of punishment for some perceived misdeed. Still other times, a teen might not know what to do with their emotions so they close them down over and over again until eventually they just need some way to get that feeling “out.” These are often high achieving students who look like they have everything together on the outside. But the truth is, they’re struggling as much as their peers.
In essence, your teen’s self harm behavior is serving a purpose. They may or may not know what that purpose is. But it’s best not to make assumptions about why they are self harming. And it’s important to know that even if they DO know why they’re self harming they may not tell you. Sometimes, teens don’t tell their parents because they want to protect them. Sometimes, they are afraid you’ll judge their reasons.
In summary, please avoid making assumptions about why your teen is self harming and know that if they don’t give you a clear answer when you ask why that is a common response. It doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong as a parent. It simply means your teen needs help figuring this out.
Recognizing Self-Harm in Your Teen:
Some of these forms of self-harm may be more obvious and easier to spot than others. But teens often go to great lengths to hide these behaviors, especially from their loved ones. So, it’s really important that teen parents, especially teen parents of struggling adolescents know the common signs of self-injury. Some things to look out for include:
- Unexplainable scars that are often in the same place on their body
- New bruises, spots, burns, scratches, bites, or other wounds on their person
- Excessive rubbing on a part of their body (this is an attempt to create a burn)
- Covering parts of their body when it’s not weather appropriate (wearing long sleeves in the summer for example)
- Often talking about how they accidentally hurt themselves
- Expressing feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, despair
How Can I Help My Teen Who is Engaging in Self-Harm?
First, anytime you suspect or are told of self-injurious behavior, call your child’s doctor or therapist immediately. If they are in imminent harm, or you suspect suicidal behavior, take them to your local emergency room.
Self-harm is never something that should be ignored. It is a sign that your child is in pain and there are other mental health issues that really need to be addressed by a mental health professional. If left untreated, self-harm can escalate. For example, a teen that makes surface level scratches on their arm with a razor now may need to make deeper cuts later to get the same level of emotional release. Therefore, it’s important they get help even if the behavior doesn’t seem very “serious” right now.
If you suspect your teen is hurting themselves or they disclose self-harm, it’s really important that you remain calm. Do not become hysterical or angry. And, do not threaten them in an attempt to get them to stop the behavior. Simply stated, that won’t help. It will make them angry or cause them to feel even worse about the situation and themselves which may cause them to self-harm again and possibly even increase the severity of their behavior.
Why can’t they just stop hurting themselves?
Some parents who have never struggled before with self harm themselves wonder why the child can’t just “stop” now that the behavior is out in the open. Especially if you’ve had some really good conversations. As we’ve said above, the behavior has served some function for your teen. Maybe it’s been a way to avoid experiencing their emotions. Or a way to release pent up feelings. The bottom line is that in a way that you may never full understand, the self harm “worked.” So, it’s hard to give that up without replacing it with new skills that will serve the same function. In other words, your teen needs to learn new ways to get their needs met (express their emotions, combat the negative self talk, handle conflict, etc).
What if I just hide the razors?
While it’s true that most teens will have a preferred method of self harm, just removing the instruments they use to self harm often does not solve the problem. Don’t get me wrong-it can be an important part of a safety plan to remove those items. So if your teen uses a razor, knife, scissors, etc to harm themselves it’s very likely a great move to temporarily remove the objects they prefer to use for self harm. However, this doesn’t give them the skills they need to stop self harming long term. So, in order to treat the underlying issue more usually has to be done.
So…what can I do as a parent?
The urge to engage in self-injurious behaviors can be addressed in counseling and working with a teen therapist. But the good news is that counseling absolutely can help.
Often, our teen therapists at Wellview Counseling use dialectical behavioral therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, and family therapy to help teens cope with their big emotions in a more appropriate way.
If you’re ready to talk to your teen about seeing a teen therapist, then check out our blog for some helpful tips.
Begin Teen Counseling in Roswell, GA or Online Teen Therapy in Georgia:
If your teen is struggling and hurting themselves, please talk to them about beginning counseling and reach out to a teen therapist for support. If you live in the Atlanta area or the state of Georgia, our teen therapists can help them through the tough times so they can find peace. To begin counseling in Roswell or online therapy in Georgia, follow these simple steps:
- Reach out to our therapy office and schedule a consultation call with one of our teen therapists,
- Speak with a teen therapist and ask any questions you may have about teen counseling
- Begin counseling in Rosewell, GA, and watch your teen find healing.
Other Therapy Services Offered at Wellview Counseling
Wellview Counseling in Atlanta, GA offers many counseling services to help you or your loved ones find healing and growth. Our mental health services include play therapy, child counseling, individual counseling, social skills groups for kids, therapy for postpartum anxiety and depression, anxiety treatment, trauma and PTSD treatment, chronic illness counseling, family therapy, and positive discipline parent education opportunities. Reach out to our Roswell, GA mental health clinic to learn more about counseling or online therapy. We would love to discuss the many ways we can help you or your loved one thrive!
About the Author: Therapist Ashley Bobo, LCSW
Ashley Bobo, LCSW is an Atlanta therapist who provides individual and family therapy to help with anxiety, depression, postpartum depression & anxiety, parent coaching, and other mental health concerns.
If you live in the Atlanta area (or anywhere in Georgia) and would like to begin counseling services for your child or anyone in your family, give us a call at 678-288-6221 or email info@wellviewcounseling.com.