As a parent, there’s nothing harder than watching your child struggle. This is especially true if they’re struggling to regulate their behavior. You’re their parent, so you know how amazing and awesome they are, but these behaviors have left you feeling helpless, overwhelmed, and exhausted. Perhaps, you even feel like you’re failing as their parent. But, you’re here, reading this blog, so that’s probably far from the truth.
I am a therapist who specializes in child counseling, and today I want to share with you some things I wish parents knew about their child’s behavior.
Watch How You Describe Your Child’s Behavior
Children are perceptive and pick up on more than adults often give them credit for. So, it’s really important that you are mindful of what you say when you talk about their behavior, even when you’re talking to other adults. Do not talk negatively about your child in front of them. This can be very detrimental to their self-esteem. If you must talk about their behavioral concerns when your child is present, think about what you say before your say it. Keep your emotions out of the conversations and be factual.
Positive Reinforcement is Key
Children crave attention- in any form. Even negative attention is attention. Often, they’ll do things simply to get a reaction out of you.
Here’s an example, have you ever had or known a toddler who continued to hit their sibling after being put in time out repeatedly? Well, they’re doing it because they got a reaction out of you. That was their goal. Therefore, your punishment was ineffective at stopping their undesirable behavior.
So you may be wondering, what can I do when they’re acting out? The answer is, offer them positive reinforcement for good behavior. Give them the attention they’re craving when they do something you want them to do. Over time, you’ll notice that they’ll keep doing these things because they want to get this reaction from you again and again. Do your best to ignore and not overreact when your child does something you don’t want them to do. If their behavior could harm them or someone else. Remove them from the area, and allow them to deescalate and calm down.
If your child is older, consider giving them a natural consequence instead. For example, if their grades are slipping because they’re spending too much time playing video games or on their devices, then they lose those until their grades get better. Or if they’re playing ball in the house after you asked them not to, then take the ball away. Things like that tend to be much more effective.
Never Ignore Talk of Suicide.
Yes, a lot of kids mention it and never try it. But if they’re bringing it up it’s a sign they’re in pain. Research shows that children as young as nine have completed suicides. So, even if you don’t think they “mean it,” don’t discount what they’re saying. Know they’re asking for help
Furthermore, some children may not come out and say it directly. Some common warning signs your child may be suicidal include:
- Preoccupation with death
- Sadness and hopelessness
- Loss of interest in the things that they used to enjoy
- Withdrawal from friends and family
- Substance abuse and alcohol abuse
- Changes in sleep: sleeping too much, too little, or not at all
- Changes in eating
- Risky behavior
- Irritability or anger
- Saying things like “sometimes I wish I wasn’t here.” “I want to go away forever.”
If your child mentions suicide it’s important that you get them help immediately. Stay with them and escort them to your local emergency room or call the national suicide hotline at —-
Find Ways to Connect With Your Child
Kids need to feel connected to you above all else! Many times a therapist will ask a parent of a child with behavioral issues to carve out some special time where the kiddo gets to be in charge and choose something fun. You’ll be asked to try not to correct the child during this time but just focus on connection. Just having this special time can make a huge difference in improving the child’s behavior
Furthermore, make time for fun! When a child has a lot of behavioral issues, it’s easy to become hyperfocused on their behavior and issuing so many consequences that there’s nothing left. But your child needs a taste of “the good life.” They need to be a kid. So, make sure they still have lots of opportunities to do fun things!
Your Child Wants to be Successful. There’s Just Something Standing In Their Way
When your child is having behavioral challenges, it’s easy to focus on the negative. Sometimes, this can cause you to lose sight of all the good things your kiddo has to offer.
So when they’re acting out, try and extend them some compassion and grace. Remember to assume positive intent. This means you should assume they are always trying to do their best, but there’s something that’s causing them to take a detour and behave inappropriately. So before you react, take a moment and breathe. Remind yourself of all the good things your child has to offer before you act. This will help you approach the situation calmly and rationally. It will also help reassure your child that you love and value them, even when things are hard.
Your Child’s Behavioral Concerns May Not Always Be What They Seem
Children, especially young children, often lack the skills they need to tell you what’s really going on. So they express it through their behaviors. For example, a child who is struggling with anxiety may have stomachaches, headaches, or unexplained pain. Or a child who is hitting their peers on the playground may lack the social skills to communicate their excitement or frustration when playing. And a child who is doing something annoying may simply be trying to get your attention.
As you can see undesirable behaviors and physical symptoms may have a variety of different meanings and causes. So, it’s important that you don’t make assumptions or jump to conclusions without talking to a trained mental health professional or your child’s doctor about your concerns.
Seek Support From a Child Therapist
You don’t have to deal with your child’s negative behavior on your own. There’s no shame in asking for help and support from a child therapist. It does not make you a bad parent or indicates that there’s something wrong with your child. Seeking help takes courage. But, when you do, you’ll likely feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders.
Child counseling can help your child work through their big feelings and help them cope with the triggers that are causing them. It can also teach them tips and tools to use when they experience distress in the future.
Begin Child Counseling in Roswell, GA
If you’re ready to learn more about child counseling and the many ways a therapist could help your child thrive, we would love to speak with you. We offer a variety of child counseling services at our Roswell, GA counseling clinic. To begin counseling or online therapy in Georgia, follow these steps:
- Reach out to our counseling clinic and schedule a consultation call with one of our therapists,
- Meet with a trauma therapist and ask any questions you may have about trauma therapy at Wellview Counseling
- Begin counseling in Rosewell and find hope for a better tomorrow.
Other Therapy Services Offered at Wellview Counseling
Wellview Counseling in Atlanta, GA offers many mental health services to help you or your loved ones find healing and growth. Our therapy services include play therapy, child counseling, individual counseling, social skills groups for kids, therapy for postpartum anxiety and depression, anxiety treatment, trauma and PTSD treatment, chronic illness counseling, family therapy, and positive discipline parent education opportunities. So, reach out to our Roswell, GA mental health clinic to learn more about counseling or online therapy. We would love to discuss the many ways we can help you or your loved one thrive!
About the Author: Therapist Ashley Bobo, LCSW
Ashley Bobo, LCSW is an Atlanta therapist who provides individual and family therapy to help with anxiety, depression, postpartum depression & anxiety, parent coaching, and other mental health concerns.
If you live in the Atlanta area (or anywhere in Georgia) and would like to begin counseling services for your child or anyone in your family, give us a call at 678-288-6221 or email info@wellviewcounseling.com.