Feeling excluded is often a difficult and painful experience. No one likes to be left out or feel like they don’t belong. Especially as young adults who are already navigating so many changes in life. As a young adult, your friends are hanging out without you, you’re not invited to the party—it can be really hard. Being left out can also be overwhelming. However, there are ways to cope with feeling excluded and create a greater sense of inclusion in your life.
Gain Some Clarity
First and foremost, it is important to understand why you may be feeling excluded. Could it be that this experience is bringing up painful memories from the past? Maybe you have unresolved feelings from this experience that are bubbling to the surface. Perhaps, you never had time to process those feelings at the time. So, the current experience is bringing up a lot of pain and emotions.
For example, in high school, your friends would hang out without you and now your college friends are doing the same. Having clarity on why you feel excluded can help you begin to make peace with it. From past experiences or whether this is a new experience for you.
Put Distance Between the Past and the Present
Putting distance between past experiences and current ones is important. As you gain clarity, you will see that these experiences are not the same. But, past experience can be bringing up old feelings. Acknowledge this, and make sure you validate your own feelings. Just remember that this situation may be different. For example, your friends know you work a lot and can’t make it to every event, but that doesn’t mean they don’t care about you. Or, you study on Tuesdays so they don’t ask you about going out. But, they still think of you and include you in other ways. This may still hurt your feelings but it doesn’t mean that you are being excluded on purpose.
Do Some “Safety” Work with Your Young Adults Therapist
When people are feeling excluded, they might be feeling vulnerable. Their friends and people they care about are not including them or engage with them. That can be really painful. Doing “safety” work with a therapist is important. This will help you process your feelings and create a safe space to talk about what’s going on in your life.
Practicing Grounding
When you’re feeling vulnerable or overwhelmed, grounding can be a powerful tool to calm your mind and body. It involved you engaging all of your senses in the moment. Focusing on what you see, smell, hear, taste, and can touch. This will help to bring you back into the present moment and away from old memories and experiences. If you struggle with this, a therapist will be able to help you practice different techniques.
Self Care
As young adults, when we feel left out, it can feel like we are being rejected. It hurts, and this feeling can be overwhelming. It is important to practice self-care and give yourself love. Remind yourself you are worthy of love and connection. That you are loved and cared for by your friends and family. You don’t need that validated by being invited to every event. For example, you can practice gratitude for all the things in your life that bring you joy. You can also journal about the things you appreciate about yourself and acknowledge your own strengths.
Put Yourself Out There
If you’re feeling excluded, it may be a good idea to put yourself out there. Make it known you would like to join them in their activities. For example, you can say something like “Hey, I saw you all went out last weekend. That looked fun! Text me next time because I want to go!” Your friends might have thought it wasn’t something you would want to do. Or maybe you’re known to be busy and they didn’t want to bother you. Letting them know that you would appreciate a heads-up or an invitation is important. That way, you can be included and create meaningful connections with your friends.
Practice Assertive Skills
If you don’t think you’re being excluded due to your schedule, your interests, or anything else of that nature, then it might be time to talk with your friends about it. But, know that it may feel uncomfortable and it’s ok to feel that way. When talking to your friends, practice assertive communication skills. That means being clear about what you feel in an honest, clear, and respectful way. This will help to make sure your friends understand where you are coming from without any misunderstanding but also in a way that isn’t overly aggressive.
For example, you could say something like “Lately, I feel like I’m being excluded from your group. It really hurts my feelings and I wasn’t sure if you knew. Can we talk about it?”
This is a great way to express yourself in an open, honest, and respectful way. But still, make sure that you are validating your own feelings while being mindful of theirs.
Being excluded as young adults can make you, or your friends, second-guess your self-worth and relationships. But, it’s important to remember that you are worthy of love and connection. Taking care of yourself when feeling excluded, practicing assertive skills, and putting yourself out there are all ways you can strive to create meaningful connections with your friends.
Interested in Young Adult Therapy in Roswell, GA?
Being a young adult comes with its own unique set of pressures and expectations. From FOMO to wanting to fit in, it can be a challenging journey. Our therapists at Wellview Counseling have been there and understand the struggles young adults face. They are here to offer compassionate, non-judgmental support to help young adults take back control of their life. If you’re interested in starting therapy:
- Contact Wellview Counseling
- Meet with Our Therapists
- Overcome FOMO and Create Meaningful Connections in Your Life!
Other Therapy Services Offered at Wellview Counseling
As a young adult, you may have more you’re struggling with than the fear of missing out. This is why our therapists at Wellview Counseling offer a variety of therapy services. So you can get tailored support and find the best approach for you. We offer individual counseling, child counseling, teen counseling, family counseling, postpartum depression and anxiety counseling, trauma and PTSD treatment, and therapy for those with a chronic illness. Regardless of the challenge you face, our therapists are here to help. Our office is in Roswell, GA, but we also offer online therapy to anyone in Georgia. If you have questions or would like to schedule an appointment please feel welcome to reach out to us!
About the Author
Ashley Bobo is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW). She has worked with individuals in a variety of settings. She’s passionate about working with families but knows that as a young adult, life can feel overwhelming. This is why she is passionate about offering a space for healing and growth. For you, or your family, Ashley is here to provide understanding, empathetic support.